


Soliloquy to the Dead

by nerdyydragon



Series: Kingsman Tumblr Ficlets [2]
Category: Kingsman (2014), Kingsman (2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, I'm sorry my smol egg, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 06:51:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8046457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdyydragon/pseuds/nerdyydragon
Summary: Eggsy didn't do well with grief - he tended to believe himself mad with it.





	Soliloquy to the Dead

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything affiliated with Kingsman: Secret Service - I just like to play in their sandbox

It was one in the morning, and Eggsy was tired, sore, and hungry (and maybe more than a little bit drunk, but he had good reason. Harry being gone seemed to always be his reason, as of late. Roxy said it was becoming a problem; Merlin gave him quiet glances and invited himself over periodically, but never babied him). So in all fairness, he originally thought he had been hallucinating the spirit in his kitchen - well, technically, it was Harry’s kitchen. It would never feel like anything else.

“So hauntings are a thing we’re doing now, yeah?” He slurred, and the figure sitting at his kitchen table shot him a pained look as he opened the fridge to dig around for leftovers that his stomach wouldn’t reject come daylight. “Because, last time I checked, you were very much dead. People generally don’t survive shite like that.”

Thinking that it wouldn’t matter whether or not sober him would thank him later, Eggsy popped two slices of pizza into the microwave, and then sat down heavily in the chair opposite the supposed apparition. He studied the man about as well as he could, given his current state. He hadn’t really changed much; a new suit, hair still perfectly styled, same kind eyes. A little bit worse for wear, given the circumstances, a crackling scar spiderwebbing its way from brow to hairline, the left eye slightly more milky than it had been just over a year ago. Nothing his messed up head wouldn’t be able to imagine, all things considered.

“We mourned, you know. All of us. In different ways. Rox cried her eyes out, o'course. Took us months to get Merlin out of his damn cave, poor man was working himself to death.” Retrieving his pizza from the microwave, Eggsy sat down again, scrubbed a hand down his face, then began picking at it listlessly. “And, then, you know, there’s this mess. Saw what happened, at the church. Couldn’t stand the way we had left things, so I hacked your laptop and watched the footage, told myself I was just making sure we’d get that conversation. See how well that turned out - I’m sitting up at one in the bloody morning talking to the ghost of a dead man.” The man across from him seemed to reach for him, and then stutter and pull his hand back, unsure of how really to proceed, and his frown deepened.

“Guess I’d better say what I got to now, though, since you’ll probably be gone by the time the sun comes up, and I can tell myself that I dreamed you.” Eggsy pushed the half-finished plate away from him, feeling sick. “I never really thanked you properly, for springing me from Holborn. I know I called in the number, so technically you had to, but you didn’t have to bring me into Kingsman after. Didn’t have to believe in me, didn’t have to do any of the things that you did.” Pausing, Eggsy swallowed thickly and tried to work around the tears that were threatening to spill. “You know I sat with you while you were in a coma? After the whole Doctor Arnold fiasco. You and your bloody fucking comas, I swear. Gaius was real good about it though, even told me some of the stories that got you stuck in there. Got to know plenty of other agents who dropped by while I was there, sat with me a while and told me stuff ‘bout when you were younger or missions they had worked with you on. Started to feel like I knew you, yeah? Guess that’s when I felt the switch, I s'pose. Rox told me later, after you died, that it was because I was stupid in love with you. Didn’t believe her, least at first. Got me thinking though. We’d go out, and I couldn’t even muster up any sort of emotion for anyone, so you could say that it’s been pretty lonely. So I guess I am - will be forever, probably. God, I feel so fucking stupid, spewing my guts to someone I’m imagining.” Picking up his discarded plate and throwing the slices back in the box, Eggsy put his plate in the sink and gripped the edge so hard his knuckles turned white.

He didn’t want to believe it was real. He had just started to get better, to start coping with the gaping hole in his chest that no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t sew shut. He grit his teeth as the first of his tears plunked dully into the basin of the sink, and his shoulders shook.

“ _ Goddamn you, Hart _ . I’ve been trying to let you go. Learned real early on that no amount of hoping could bring anyone back to you - didn’t work with my dad and it  _ sure as fuck _ didn’t work with you. I just wanted - I just wanted you to be there. I’m such a fucking idiot, for thinking that it would work. That someone like me could have that.” His tears were falling more heavily now, and the water clouded his vision. “ _ Could have someone like you _ .” He choked out quietly.

A warm hand on his shoulder gently turned him away from the sink while another peeled his fingers out of their vice-grip. Eggsy went willingly, too far gone to put up much of a fight, and his clouded mind told him that he was safe. He buried his nose into the figure’s collarbone even as two strong arms wrapped around him, and when he took a deep breath he was assaulted by the smell of sandalwood and gunpowder and earl grey and underneath something that he had always associated with Harry, but could never put a name to. He dropped like a rock, pulling himself and the other man to the floor where they collapsed into a tangled heap, and he clutched at the shoulders of whoever was holding him and sobbed.

“I miss you. I know this isn’t real, that it’s all in my head, but I wanted you to know. Maybe if I believe it hard enough, wherever your soul went, you’ll hear it.” They stayed like that until morning, Eggsy’s exhausted body finally dragging him under.

—

Waking abruptly to the sound of a mug shattering on the tile floor, Eggsy tried to take stock of his surroundings. He was aching from sitting on the floor all night, he was much too warm, still exhausted, and the hole in his chest seemed raw and frayed at the edges.

“Fuck you, you stupid fucking piece of shit.” The familiar Scottish brogue shook the last of the fog from his brain, and he picked up on the smell from last night. “ _ Go to hell _ .”

“Trust me, the last year has been nothing short of it.” Pulling away from his apparently very solid sleeping partner, Eggsy flailed wildly for something to say. That was real, that had happened.

“You magnificent bastard.” Eggsy grabbed his face abruptly and kissed him hard on the mouth, the older man too shocked to do much of anything. As quickly as it had started he pulled away, flushing high on his cheeks when he realized that his long-winded confession had not, in fact, been to a figment of his imagination, and that the object of his affections was no longer dead, and that he had just kissed him. “Shite, um.” He tried to move off the man’s lap (a position he did not remember falling into last night, thanks very much), when the arms resting gently around his waist snaked around his back and tugged him forward, his head resting on the man’s shoulder. A kiss was pressed to the side of his head, and the shaking he hadn’t noticed his body was producing stilled.


End file.
